Today I showered! Any mothers out there so proud of me?! Sometimes we need that shower, the warm water to just wash away the guilt, the pureed food off our body, the anxiety, and the laundry list of things that “still need to get done.” Do you feel me?
Guess what? Motherhood/Fatherhood is NOT the doomsday of your personal fulfillment and happiness. It should propel you forward. There is growth in parenthood, there is much to learn and experience for the first time… Your life should not come to a close, but unfold into a new, enhanced journey. By assessing our goals and making a “plan of attack”, we can truly live the lives that our children need to witness us living.
As a mom, we can get sucked into the mundane life of everyday chores. We need to be very intentional about getting ourselves out of our own way mentally.
You might be thinking, “Well I have to be there for my kids every second, I can never leave them alone to go pee, I don’t have time to shower and look pretty.” While this might be your reality, it doesn’t mean you have to make it true. Check out my IG posts all about independent playtime.
How can you expect your children to learn about boundaries and self-worth if you aren’t caring for yourself?
This was a huge wake-up call for me. As mothers, we set the tone for the family. If we wake up frantic and stressed, our children reflect it back with skipped naps, clinginess, and tears. When we wake up calm and certain, our day flows more smoothly, and we find those pockets of time for ourselves.
IDENTITY BEFORE HAVING KIDS:
-You had a style
-You knew the things you were into
-You understood the things you had time for
-You had the flexibility to leave the house, pee, & eat when you wanted to
-Sex didn’t need to be planned
-You loved your clothes and your clothes loved you
Being a young mom was always a goal of mine. I had Grant at 25 years old, NOT at the height of my career, and NOT knowing where I wanted to live permanently. My vision for my future was still morphing and still is as I write this. All I knew was I loved my husband more than anything, loved living and sharing healthfully, and would love being a mom.
So Grant arrived. He is perfect, an “easy baby.” I was shocked at the drastic life change and how much incredible responsibility and selflessness I had taken on. Never to be undone while also feeling so blessed. Even if you are a mother that has the easiest baby in the world, has your body back, a full-fledged career, and an amazing sex life, it’s OKAY TO FEEL. It okay to feel like the world is falling, sadness, loss, and overwhelm. Denying yourself feeling while thinking you can raise an emotionally stable child is unreasonable.
LETS TALK ABOUT THE MOM GUILT FOR A SECOND
I have talked to several moms about the overwhelming guilt we feel as parents when we do something for ourselves. Let me tell you this, It’s not “me first” it is “me too”
Being a mom does NOT mean ALL OR NOTHING
You can incorporate the things you love to do & the things you are good at with being a mom. Whatever it is that makes you excited, that scares you, do it. It will make you feel alive and fulfilled. When we truly embrace ourselves as parents when we respect ourselves. Honor your own needs. Whatever role you are playing, whether mother, father, daughter, or wife, be your true self. If you don’t know what that looks like, think back to when you weren’t pregnant. What did you love to do? Was it painting? Working out? Singing? A spin class? Talking a walk outside?
You can begin to incorporate these things into your life right now. You can see to your child, teach them how to paint, grab a mat for them and one for you and put on an in-home yoga class. Get outside with your children. Let them play while you learn how to play again too.
Create success on your own terms.
Redefine what success means to you now. Perhaps your shiny goal of having a million in the bank is redefined as i.e: “I want to have freedom. I want to work for myself when I want and how I want, I want my body back, I want my romance back with my spouse.”
Get a little bit of help so you can still do your own things. When you come back to your kids you will feel refreshed and fulfilled instead of waiting for nap time. You will be excited for when they wake up, instead of wishing they could sleep for another hour.
Mantras/ questions I repeat,
“Space and Grace, space and grace, space and grace”
“Being a mom is not my only title.”
“What do I need most right now?”
“Being a mom gives me an edge, a new way to find the new me, and the new me is great!”
“The super moms on Instagram have bad days too. We are all mother trying to figure it out.”
“I am connected to all mothers.”
“What is my intention for this new phase of my life?”
If you enjoyed this post about How I am Finding My Identity After Being a Mom, you might like my, Breastfeeding Tips for New mammas (Things I wish I would have known) or my Postpartum Mental Health Essentials.
Don’t forget to tag me on IG if you want to share your journey on discovering your new mom identity.